For You, A Thousand Times Over
by ofalan96
Summary: For Spock, I'd do anything. I'd rather suffer every agony for him, just to see him happy. He hates me, I know he does, underneath that impenetrable, Vulcan exterior. That doesn't stop me from feeling the way I do - love, for him, a thousand times over. SPIRK, SLASH, RATED M, MALExMALE SEX, DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ. ONE SHOT


**A/N: So I recently read The Kite Runner and sobbed my heart out. It is both the best and worst book ever, and I felt I needed to write a fan fiction using the phrase 'for you, a thousand times over'. God, the most haunting and heartbreaking six words ever written. For those of you who are not acquainted with the book, don't worry, there will be no spoilers...although I must suggest you read the book if you haven't. **

**I have never really written slash before, so please be generous with your reviews...what I am mostly concerned about is if I get the characters straight. So, if you see any errors, feel free to point them out. But no flames, please. **

* * *

**Title: For You, A Thousand Times Over**

**Genre: Romance/Angst**

**Summary: For Spock, I'd do anything. I'd rather suffer every agony for him, just to see him happy. He hates me, I know he does, underneath that impenetrable, Vulcan exterior. That doesn't stop me from feeling the way I do - love, for him, a thousand times over. **

**Pairing: Spock/Jim Kirk**

**Story Type: One Shot**

**Warnings: Explicit language, explicit sexual scenes, MalexMale sex, don't like, don't read**

**Rated: M**

* * *

**FOR YOU, A THOUSAND TIMES OVER**

He hated me; that, I knew for sure. Oh, yeah, he'd be polite and graceful, maybe raise one eyebrow in that adorably obnoxious fashion that he had so perfected, or maybe quirk his mouth to the side. But none of these expressions were for me. No, he would save his signature scowl, signature Vulcan bad ass glare, all _for me. _In a way, that was gratifying - at least he felt _something _towards me and not this blob of indifference. Sometimes, though, I wish he wouldn't believe all those rumors - James T. Fucking Kirk, son of George Kirk, womanizer, alcoholic, captain of the _U.S.S. Enterprise, _whore. Liar. Cheat.

I hated me, too. I hated the fact that I never had a childhood, hated the fact that I was a Kirk, hated the fact that everyone expected me to be fucking perfect, just like the father I never knew. I hated me, too. And that hate grew each day, especially with Spock around to rub in all those negative emotions, these feelings of indescribable loss and unforgivable disappointment. I was not the proud captain of a new starship; I was a ruined man waiting for the day in which I could just be Jim, not Kirk.

* * *

"Captain." a toneless voice announced itself beside me.

I blinked, looking up from the empty glass I'd previously been studying, examining, trying to define as proof of a man who just didn't give a shit anymore. I looked up and saw my First Officer standing, lips thin with disapproval and eyes judging me relentlessly. This angered me, and I narrowed my eyes. "Yes, Mr. Spock?" I asked, scowling into my empty glass. How I wished to refill it and ignore the stony faced Vulcan next to me.

"It is well past the curfew agreed upon; I believe you stated that at 2000 hours we would return to our accommodations." he said.

I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily, rubbing my face. "Yeah, sorry about that...got lost in my thoughts, I suppose." I flashed Spock a mirthless smile. "Can't really blame me, though, considering all the shit we've been through."

I stood up, but too abruptly, for in the next second I was teetering on my feet, eyelids fluttering between open and shut, stomach churning unpleasantly. Almost immediately, Spock was by my side, gripping my arm with one hand, his other arm wrapping around my waist. "It appears that you may require assistance walking back." the Vulcan stated. I rolled my eyes again.

"Thank you for stating...the obvious, Mr. Spock." I slurred, eyes closing once again. "'Nd just to let you know, we're on shore leave. In all honesty, I can stay up as long as I want to." Fantastic. Give me a point for sounding like a whiny child.

"In all practicality, Captain," Spock replied calmly, "if you stayed out any longer than you currently do, there would be a high probability that you would never make it back to the hotel."

We walked out of the bar, with me leaning heavily against Spock. Inconspicuously, I breathed in through my nose and let Spock's scent - utterly masculine with a strange hint of something spicy - soothe my now aching head. "Ngh," I murmured, nuzzling Spock's neck. "You...smell...really good, Spock."

My First Officer froze at my badly timed statement. Instead of pushing me away from him, though, his hand gripped my side tighter. I sighed, not minding in the least. "How far..the hotel?" I said in what was barely louder than a whisper.

Spock seemed to hear me just fine, however, for he replied rather tersely, "In 3.6 blocks."

So on we walked. A few times, I stumbled and let out a fit of drunken giggles. I don't know if it was my imagination or not, but Spock seemed to be hurrying - well, hurrying for a Vulcan. Glancing up at him one or two times, I noticed through the haze covering my eyes that his face was pinched, almost as if he were in pain - in pain for having to carry a drunk Kirk back to a hotel. My heart turned to painful mush at this revelation.

* * *

Reaching the hotel room we were sharing - previously, I'd been ecstatic about this, but kept it to myself - Spock immediately led me to the bed and 'accidentally' dumped me into it.

"My apologies, Captain." Spock said. His eyes, however, suggested a mix of smugness and disgust. Was that how he viewed me? Stupid, pathetic, revolting?

Tears pricked at my eyes, but I blinked them away and muttered, a "Thanks". I grimaced as I sat up in the bed, loosening the ties on my boots and throwing them over the side of my bed. My grimace became a fierce scowl as I tore at my shirt, swiftly divesting myself of it and throwing it on top of my boots.

Spock continued to stand there, hands behind his back. I paused in my undressing and glared up at him. "I said thanks," I spat out. "You can go meditate now or whatever the fuck it is you Vulcans do."

Spock stiffened at the tone in my voice, but at this point, being drunk, hurt, and angry, I couldn't care less. I unfastened my trousers and shucked them off, remaining only in my briefs. I clutched at my head, which was pounding like there was no tomorrow. "Dammit!" I hissed, tears still threatening to break through. "Why does it have to be _me? _Why can't you just go hate someone else? It's not like everyone else hates me already." The words were spilling out before I could stop them and Spock raised a single eyebrow.

"What made you come to that conclusion, Captain?" he inquired, tilting his head to the side.

I peered at him through my watering eyes. "The way you," I started, then stopped. "You are always...you have never even...It doesn't matter."

I laid back in bed, stretching my body out and closing my eyes, giving in to the agonizing thuds in my head. "I wish I wasn't Jim Kirk." I whispered. "I wish I wasn't captain...I just want to be _Jim _and not a label or an expectation."

I heard Spock mumble something in reply, but by then my vision was fading into a deep, welcoming, dark embrace and the pain in my head was fading along with it. I heaved a sigh, my breath passing between my teeth and lips, before sweet sleep encompassed me.

* * *

Waking up in the morning, I was expecting the regular banging in my head and the sheer brightness of light in the room - I was not expecting to see Spock standing exactly where he had been last night. I raised my eyebrows, sitting up, and ran a hand through my hair. "Please tell me you have not been standing there since I passed out." I said.

Spock quirked an eyebrow. "As you are undoubtedly aware, Captain, Vulcans need considerably less sleep than Humans."

"Yeah, but...all night?"

"Of course not, Captain. That would be highly unproductive, not to mention illogical."

I flashed him a small half smile, ruffling my hair again. "Um...I guess I'll take a shower and be out in a few minutes to eat breakfast with you."

"I have made other plans for today, Captain." Spock said. My good mood vanished. I blinked, and peered at his face again. Stony, expressionless, and vaguely emitting dislike. It didn't need to be his face; his eyes were cold and distant.

"With Uhura, right?" I said, obviously invading his privacy. Spock drew in a deep breath and stared at me, hard.

"I believe that is none of your business, Captain."

"Of course it isn't." I smiled icily. "Forgive me; I didn't mean to intrude on your _life. _Forgive me for wanting to be a friend; forgive me for being a stupid, illogical human being who has no friends and a whole lot of critics. _Forgive me, _Spock." I spat out his name, mustering as much venom as I could.

The Vulcan blinked, startled by my outburst. I ignored it and leaped from the bed, ignoring the stab of pain in my head. "You know what, Spock?" I snapped, turning around to glare at him. "Go fuck with Uhura. Go have a splendid time with her, you're practically soulmates!" With those words, I rushed into the bathroom for my shower.

* * *

I let ice cold water splash onto my shoulders, travel down my stomach, down my navel...the sting of the freezing temperature did nothing to cool off the heated resentment I felt coiling in my belly. God, Spock was a _jerk. _What did I even see in him?

I had been attracted to Spock since the day of that trial - announcing that I have the right to face my accuser, and watching Spock stand up, his face sculpted like stone, his eyes dark and intense, his uniform _extremely _form fitting. I almost lost it there and then, until, of course, he mentioned my father. Then that attraction gave way to irritated offense.

"I hate you." I murmured, water dripping from my lips. Nevertheless, as many times as I said it, I knew it wasn't true. I was infatuated with the Vulcan, as much as he hated me...I loved the way his eyebrow would raise, sending involuntary shivers down my spine, or the way his eyes would dance over me, whether in distaste or reluctant curiosity. And then his _voice..._I swear, if given the opportunity, Spock could make me come just by speaking. Even when the Vulcan was taunting or arguing, his voice was masculine and sensual. Rarely did it raise, but when it did, it did not lose it's potency.

"Spock," I groaned, pressing my head against the shower wall. Never had I felt more perplexed about a single person - sure, some of the women I had screwed around with had intrigued, but Spock was intriguing on a whole different level. There was this mysterious aura about him - or maybe that was my perverted manipulation of his extreme dislike for me.

The thing was, Spock didn't realize how much I would do for him, if given the chance. I would suffer every agony for him, just to see him be happy. If it satisfied Spock to see me hurt, then so be it. Spock hated me underneath that impenetrable, Vulcan exterior. That did nothing to change the way I felt - love, for him, a thousand times over. _  
_

* * *

I wrapped a towel around my waist, stepping out of the shower and back into the room. Spock, as I had expected, was gone. I smirked bitterly. "And everyone thinks he's unpredictable." I muttered to myself.

The sunlight filtering into the room stung my eyes; fortunately, my hangover was subsiding for the moment. unfortunately, as I removed the towel from my waist and began to slide on a fresh pair of briefs and trousers, the communications screen installed in the room beeped to warn me of an incoming message. I hurriedly attempted to dress myself, but fell down in the process, my legs tangled in my trousers. And this was how Selik found me.

The elder Vulcan raised his eyebrows in surprise. "James," he greeted me, eyes glinting with amusement.

"Selik," I gasped, finally managing to drag my trousers up and fasten them. I stood up, face flushed, and cast my eyes away from the screen.

"It is good to see you, my friend."

"And you." I said, warily looking back at Selik. His face suggested that he might just burst out laughing. I blushed even more. "It's not that funny," I tried to tell him off, but Selik merely smirked a little.

"On the contrary. If you were to observe me having difficulty dressing myself, you would not doubt be, as a human phrasing goes, 'rolling on the floor laughing your posterior off'."

I bit down a smile. "It's ass, Selik, but I guess posterior works, too."

"How is your shore leave progressing, James?" Selik asked me, finally managing to straighten his face. No doubt that secret, Vulcan amusement was still hidden within him somewhere.

I sobered. "It's, um, okay." I shrugged, looking away from the screen. "I've gone down to a few bars...to meet, you know...people."

Selik raised an eyebrow. "Indeed. That is quite a revelation. I was made aware you frequently visited bars to befriend the local flora."

I laughed. "Thanks, Selik, you always know how to cheer me up."

The Vulcan frowned. "What has kept your spirits down, James?"

I bit my lip, hesitating. "The other you."

"Ah, my younger counterpart." Selik said. "Tell me, James, what has happened?"

I sighed, sitting down in a chair. "It's nothing he has done, really." I said. "It's just...he _hates _me. He really does. Last night, he was helping me get back to the hotel because I was drunk beyond having good mobility functions, and...his face was sort of pinched, like he was loathing having to help. And then, this morning, when I sort of hinted that I wanted to eat breakfast with him, he said he had made other plans...it is as if he does not want to be around me. It's...very distressing and..._fuck." _

I ran my fingers through my hair, bowing my head. "Selik...were _you _this...distant with your Jim?"

Selik took a moment to contemplate the question. "My Jim and I...we were very close to each other. Best friends, some people would say. Yet, our relationship was...more intimate than that." My head _bounced _up as I stared wide eyed at Selik.

"More intimate?" I nearly gasped out. "Uh...how intimate?"

Selik once again had to suppress a smile. "We...we were bondmates. We had a sexual relationship, but it also entitled an...emotional aspect, as well. I melded with my Jim - our thoughts become one and the same - and we eventually married on Vulcan."

My mouth was wide open and my eyes were more than likely bulging out of my head. "That's...wow. And you never hated each other?"

"Jim and I...disagreed on various issues, but no. Hate was never an emotion we experienced with one another."

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "You're one lucky bastard, Selik."

"On the contrary, my parents were married at the time of my conception."

"You _know _what I mean." I smiled.

"James." Selik said softly. "The Spock in your universe has dealt with tragedies I have not. Those tragedies may or may not have been influencing his interactions around you. All that I can say that may console you is to never give up hope."

"Coming from a Vulcan," I muttered, "this is big news."

Selik's lips quirked. "If you so wish to pursue an intimate relationship with Spock, then do not hold back. The very worst that may happen is that he will reject your offer-"

"And verbally harass me." I interrupted.

"James-" Selik began, but then, all of a sudden, the connection was cut an the screen.

I stared at the screen for a minute, thinning my lips. "Wonderful." I muttered. "Absolutely fucking wonderful. What am I going to do _now?" _As if to answer my question, my stomach rumbled and I realized I had yet to eat breakfast. "Problem solved."

* * *

The day seemed to drag by, seeing as how I chose to stay in the room the entire time. I read from various books I'd taken with me, played chess with myself, which got boring and highly irritating after a while, and watched a few movies on the communication screen. I even attempted meditation - thinking to myself, 'why the hell not'? So, I situated myself on the bed, crossing my legs, and resting my arms on my legs. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, trying to sort through the various feelings weighted inside my chest - resentment, anger, lust, love, trust...Time seemed to pass by slowly, until-

"Captain?"

My eyes shot open to look up at my First Officer's surprised expression. He was dressed in relatively simple attire - a black tunic and black trousers. _Just like at the trial, _my mind whispered to me. I shut down the train of thought immediately.

"Hello, Spock." I greeted him with a small smile. "As you can see, I'm practicing my meditating skills."

"Indeed." was all Spock said, raising an eyebrow. "How long have you been meditating?"

"About, um..." I glanced over at the clock on the night stand next to the bed and my eyes widened. 9:00 pm, it read. "About four or so hours."

Both of Spock's eyebrows were up. "That is...impressive." the Vulcan admitted, eyes boring into my own.

I smiled up at him again. "Thanks." My face was beginning to heat up. My tongue dabbed at my lips nervously and I looked down at the bed sheets. "So, if I am not being nosy or anything...how was your day?"

Spock's face became expressionless once more and I began to backtrack. "Yes, right, sorry, that was stupid of me." I tried to apologize in my Kirk-ish way. "I was just curious...of course, you know how curiosity killed the cat, so I suppose I shouldn't have asked...you know what, never mind. Ask me about _my _day, I'd be happy to tell you."

"How was your day, Captain?" Spock asked me, eyes clouded with some kind of bemused resignation.

"I stayed in the room all day." I said with a fake, cheery smile. "Let's see. I played chess with myself. I, as you know, practiced mediation. I watched some movies, read some books...oh, and I did talk to Selik."

Spock's eyes suddenly darkened, and my smile faltered. "You...talked with my counterpart?" he asked quietly.

An idea popped into my mind, and I grinned. "Yep! We had a great conversation about what it really means to walk into a bar. Then we had some conversation about romantic attachments and all of that sappy stuff, and then the connection broke off."

Spock didn't reply. If at all possible, his eyes darkened further. To my surprise and secret delight, he seated himself on the bed next to me, not removing his gaze from my own. "If you do not mind me asking...what exactly did you discuss about...romantic attachments."

I swallowed and glanced down. "I...don't mind. I can't really explain it to you. Do you mind if I show you instead?"

Spock's eyebrow quirked again. "What would you need to show me that you are unable to explain to me?" he inquired, his voice tinted with incredulity.

I smiled, if a bit shyly. My heart was hammering in my chest, and skin was beginning to sweat with anticipation. "I have to show you...how I feel." I replied softly. I leaned my hands forward and grasped Spock's hand. And, unsurprisingly, Spock stiffened at the touch. My fingers roamed along his fingers, etching out the lines on them, proceeding to caress his palm. the Vulcan closed his eyes and almost appeared to lean into my touch.

I smirked a little, pleased, and leaned closer to Spock, close enough that I could feel Spock's quickened breathing. I let my lips linger near his, breathing against them. I heard and felt Spock draw in a sharp breath. Smiling, I pressed my lips against his, gentle, coaxing, chaste. I pulled away, only to whisper in his ear, "I have wanted to kiss you for the longest time." I then pressed a kiss against Spock's curved ear. Spock shifted slightly, barely emitting a groan, but I heard it. And I felt a surge of triumph fill me with elation. And then Spock knocked me backwards with a shove.

I landed with an 'oof' on my back and watched, bewildered, as Spock stood up, body rigid and face composed into an expression I did not want to recognize. I sucked in a deep breath. "What the hell, Spock?" I exclaimed, sitting back up. "Did I touch something taboo? If that's it, then I'm sorry-"

"Captain." Spock almost ground out. "Please desist your attempts to seduce me. It is a widely acknowledged fact that you are willing to bed almost being, and I do not wish to become one of them."

My face crumpled. Indignation and fury swelled within me, but was then replaced by an overwhelming hurt. "You asked what Selik and I had been talking about," I finally spoke. "I...I assumed that you were curious about-"

"That is the other fact - you assume far too much, Captain." Spock interrupted in a cold voice.

I snapped my mouth shut and squeezed my eyes shut as tears once again began to leak out of my eyes. This moment should not be so...it's not like I hadn't been rejected before...but the way Spock was going about this made me seem like a...a _whore _and a player. "Is that what you think I am, Commander?" I grit out in a trembling voice. "Do you think I'm a whore? Do you think I fuck people day and night just for pleasure, just for the _gratification?" _

Spock did not reply. Opening my eyes, I was appalled to find traitor tears being released and rolling down my cheeks. I furiously wiped them away. "God, I feel like a girl!" I snapped, rubbing my cheeks.

"That would be-"

"-Illogical, yes, Commander, I _know." _I interrupted. I stood up myself and walked over to him, standing right in front of him. "The thing is," I said in a quieter voice. "Is that I'm not the same man I was five, ten years ago. Believe it or not, I've grown up. I'm tired of just fucking people - hell, all that's been about was my loneliness. I have no friends, other than McCoy, only people who desire my body, so I let them have it, seeing as how fucking was the only way to beat back my loneliness. And even after the sex, I felt incomplete and like...like what you just described. I _assumed _I could let everything go with one, good fuck."

I took in a heavy breath, then continued. "I'd do _anything _for you Spock, because I admire, cherish, and love you. For you, I would die a thousand times over. I would take every tear that's fallen from your eyes and make it my own. I would take every taunt that has every been thrown your way and make it my own, because you surely don't deserve them. But _I do. _God, Spock, if it made you feel better, I would make myself miserable. I'd...I'd be miserable for you, if it made you happy to see me like that. The way I feel about you...God, I sound like a fool, revealing this all to you. I think I'll just shut up and let you meditate."

I turned away from Spock, biting my lip to prevent it from trembling. I threw myself back onto the bed, scowling up at the ceiling and silently wishing I hadn't said a word. But my emotional dam had broken - Spock's hurtful comments had been the catalyst - and now it seemed I couldn't hold anything back.

"Just go away, Spock." I whispered, turning over onto my side. "You don't understand. I can tell you don't _want _to. So just go."

I heard the quiet scuffing of boots. The door opened and closed with a click. It was then that I allowed all my pain to break open.

* * *

In the darkness of the night, I finally fell asleep. The hot tears that had burned my cheeks were finally cooled and I was finally managing to put back in place the dam in which all my pain and longing were kept closely locked up.

I tossed over onto my back, mumbling incoherently.

_You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk, a captain cannot cheat death._

I grimaced in my sleep.

_Now, what is it with you, Spock? Your planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered, and you're not even upset!_

Horror and regret raced through my veins as I tried to wake myself up. The memories, the _words, _just kept pouring out in torrents.

_What is it like not to feel anger...or heartbreak...or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?_

No..I don't want to hear this...

_You feel NOTHING! It must not even COMPUTE for you! You NEVER loved her!_

I woke with a strangled gasp, sweat gripping at my skin, eyes blown wide with anguished terror as my hands grappled at the sheets on the bed. "I'm sorry.  
I wheezed out, bowing my head, clutching at my hair. "I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..." I knew the words had to be said. In the end, those words saved the _Enterprise _and Earth, not to mention other Federation planets. "I'm sorry."

Eventually, when I'd calmed down, I leaned back in the bed, my chest still heaving, my heart heavy with guilt and ridden with self loathing. _Spock hadn't deserved those words, despite that it saved everyone. Those words emotionally compromised him...and he's still dealing with all the emotional baggage. _

"Captain." Oh, goody, there was Spock, right on cue.

"Mr. Spock." I whispered, letting a hand cover my face as I wouldn't have to look at the Vulcan. "What can I do for you?"

Silence. I lowered my hand and raised my head and was shocked to find Spock standing _naked _in front of my bed. My jaw dropped. "Uh, Spock...you do know you are naked, right?"

"Indeed, Captain. It appears your observatory skills are functioning adequately." A corner of his mouth twitched up.

I gaped even more. Did Spock just give me a _smile..._"Fuck, I'm still dreaming." I exclaimed out loud. "I'm having a dream about having a bad dream and you're standing in front of me...butt naked!"

I froze in astonishment as Spock proceeded to crawl into bed, his member trailing along my thighs as he settled down on top of me. "No, Jim-" He called me _Jim!? - _"This is not a dream." The Vulcan looked down at me, his eyes dilated and appraising me. I still hadn't closed my mouth and quickly shut it, a blush ripening my cheeks. Since when did I _blush?_

Spock seemed to have noticed this, for his mouth quirked up again. Slowly, his hands peeled the blanket separating his body from mine. I shuddered as cool air hit my body...and then arched as that infamous, Vulcan body heat enveloped my body. I barely had time to realize that Spock was actually _naked _in my bed before hot lips surrounded mine and a surprisingly eager tongue swept across them. I moaned, arching again. Spock's hands traveled along my back, mapping out my sensitive spots...moving down to cup my buttocks and squeeze them. I moaned louder, writhing in his grip.

I could feel my own erection building up, making a tent in my briefs. I sucked in a deep breath as Spock removed his lips from mine to suck at my jawline, and then my neck..."Spock!" I cried out as his lips encircled one of my nipples. Slowly and teasingly, he sucked and nipped, causing my member to erect even further and my hips to thrust. Spock started nibbling on the other one, and I whimpered..._whimpered? _Since when does a Kirk whimper?

And then I realized I didn't want this to be sex between Kirk and Spock - I wanted this to be sex between Jim and Spock. And oh, was there such a difference.

"Spock." I groaned, as his hands swept around to grip my thighs. I tried to thrust up into his grip, but the hands held me down. "_Spock."_

"Jim," the Vulcan breathed into my ear. "I...would prefer that your briefs were removed from your person."

I had to laugh at that. "'Kay, Spock," I half moaned, his fingers still roaming about my body. "I'm...I'm good with that."

Almost immediately, his hands rose to grasp the waistband of my briefs and slide them down gradually. I could feel Spock's heated, labored breathing on my thighs, and then my desperate member, and I barely restrained the urge to thrust right up into his face. The restraint was all for nothing, however, as Spock smirked and proceeded to spread my legs, then dip his head down to tentatively lick the tip of my member. I bucked my hips with another whimper, muttering the Vulcan's name over and over again. And again and again dip Spock lick, up and down, near the base, only to suck at the very tip...I arched with a shout.

"Oh, Spock!" I panted. I gripped the soft locks of his hair and thrust into his face. Spock did not seem to mind, for he growled and grasped my thighs more tightly, moving his head down to encompass my entire cock. I moaned loudly, bucking repeatedly. The movements were becoming rapid and uncoordinated and I knew I would not last long. "Spock, wait...I'm going to come if you...don't stop."

Spock relented, lifting his head from my swollen, leaking cock. "I believe that is the entire point of giving fellatio, Jim." he replied, amused.

"I...know that," I grit out as Spock continued to tease my member with his fingers - squeezing, gently, then harder, over and over - "But...I want you inside me. Now. Before I explode." I spat out the last word in frustration as my hips jerked desperately into his grip.

"Very well, Jim." I heard Spock murmur before I found myself with face full of pillow. I shivered as I felt Spock's hands rubbing up my butt and over my back, as if committing the sight to memory. _God, I hope this isn't a one night stand. _I thought, a shot of fear piercing me straight in the stomach. I felt Spock lean over me and nuzzle my neck, kissing the back of it with surprising gentleness. "No, Jim." he whispered. "I plan to bond with you, if that is agreeable?"

"God, yes, Spock!" I exclaimed, feeling my face split into a grin. "I am _so _very agreeable to that."

I was positive I felt Spock's mouth twitching into a smile on my neck, but then I was feeling his hardness on my butt, jerking around excitedly. "Don't we need lubricant?" I asked.

"Vulcan males naturally produce a lubricant-like coating to ensure swift penetration." Spock replied. I shivered. _Just the way he says that makes me want to come here and now. _I thought to myself.

Spock suppressed a smile. "I am pleased to hear it, _ashayam."_

I blushed. "Yeah, I keep forgetting you're a touch telepath."

And then Spock's member was sliding into me. I let out a gasp; Spock did not lie. His cock was already heavily lubricated and ready for penetration. I groaned at the feeling of me stretching to completely envelop Spock. The Vulcan paused. "Did I hurt thee?" he whispered in my ear, concern lightly sprinkled over his lustful words. I shook my head and, to reassure him, I pushed back against.

Spock stiffened and then moaned, quiet loudly, and began to thrust into me. I closed my eyes shut, completely overwhelmed by the sensation. My hands were clenching the sheets of the bed as he pounded into me, his grunts sending me into near ecstasy. I felt one of his hands cover mine and I moaned at the erotic, tingling sensation that resulted from it. Heat pulsed from his hand into mine and it sent a whole new rush of blood to my groin. "Spock." I whimpered, hips thrusting back into his cock. Fingers clenched over mine and I gasped.

Our movements gradually became uncontrolled; Spock was emitting a noise that I had never heard before, a loud, keening noise. I didn't have much time to analyze this, however, because pretty soon my grunts and heaves were becoming mixed together in long, drawn out moans. Finally, with one last, heated thrust against each other and we both came.

I let out a shaky breath and rolled over as soon as Spock did. For the next few minutes, we lay side by side, both of us breathing erratically. I closed my eyes, relishing in the affects of post climax. My body felt spent, aching but in a pleasant way. And then I felt Spock's lips grazing the side of my head. I smiled.

"So you, uh...what exactly was that?"

Spock turned to face me and quirked an eyebrow - he was doing that a lot. "I believe we just had coitus, Jim."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not dumb, Spock, I know that. It's just...I thought you hated me."

Spock frowned. "I never hated you, Jim." he admitted. "Perhaps, when we first met, I was...perplexed by your arrogance. It...was not helpful that you insulted my mother the day Vulcan was destroyed."

I winced. "Yeah, Spock, about that, I'm _really, really _sorry-" I was silenced by Spock's lips.

Pulling away, he looked at me with mild amusement. "Jim, I am very much aware that what you did was necessary. I would have surely led the _Enterprise _to it's demise. Nevertheless, the first time I met you, I was confused. I had a desire to hate you, _wanted _to hate you...but I never could. Now I know why." The Vulcan smiled widely, and I was amazed that Spock was actually showing _teeth. _It was almost unnatural, coming from Spock.

"You're showing your teeth, Spock." I mumbled, eyes zeroed in on his smile.

"Indeed, Jim."

I shook my head. "Wait...so, why couldn't you hate me?" I asked.

Spock's smile did not waver as he traced my arm with his sensitive fingertips. I shuddered as electricity gently traveled through my nerves. "You keep doing that Spock and we're bound to fuck again." I murmured, eyes shutting for a brief moment.

"You are my T'hy'la, Jim." Spock finally answered.

I opened my eyes. "Um...what am I?"

"You are my friend," Spock said, now tracing my face with his hand. "My brother, and my lover. It translates poorly to 'soulmate'."

I blinked. And then blinked again. "Wait...so you are suggesting we are soulmates?"

"I am not suggesting it, Jim." Spock corrected me. "I _know _we are soulmates." He kissed me again and I gladly obliged.

"Why did it take you so long to figure it out?"

Spock suddenly looked contrite. "It did not take much effort in realizing the truth. But at the time, I did not wish for it to be true. I therefore ignored the bond, hoping it would diminish. Instead, it grew stronger and more noticeable and it was not until you admitted your feelings to me today that I decided fighting against our undeniable connection futile."

"Then...are we going to get married? Have _children? _Do the whole domestic thing?"

Spock smiled again. "If it is agreeable for you, then yes."

I frowned. "But what about your father? Wouldn't he disapprove of you bonding with a human?"

"My father would not dare deny our bond. Even Vulcans are strong believers of the bond; it would only take a brief mind meld for others to realize that I am, in fact, speaking the truth. Speaking of which," Spock paused, raising an eyebrow at me and letting his fingers form onto the psi points on my face. "I am growing rather weary of waiting to bond with you - T'hy'la, will you bond with me?"

I blinked. He was asking me for _permission? _Even though we were soulmates, he wouldn't bond with me unless I wanted him to?

Spock smiled slightly, his eyes lit up with something I could describe as anxiousness. "Only with your consent, Jim." he murmured.

I grinned. A genuine, full fledged grin. "Spock, I've been waiting for this for this since we met. I think you should bond with me right now. And then after we bond, we should fuck over and over again until we are too sore to leave this room. And then-" A searing kiss stopped him short as Spock assaulted his mouth. I smiled happily underneath his mouth as Spock initiated the bond.

"My mind to your mind...my thoughts to your thoughts."

"For you Spock," I murmured against his lips. "A thousand times over."

**THE END**


End file.
